There are moments when you feel the stars align and the gods have smiled down upon you, and then there are the moments when you’re actually awake.
This week has been an exercise in staying off the “She’s gone postal” bulletin. I’m sure it’s not been pleasant for anyone around me, despite my epic efforts to remain sane and calm and far away from a loaded shotgun.
It all began with a tiny glitch in the air conditioning.
The “glitch” was that it stopped working. And I’m sure everyone is perfectly aware of the chapter in the manual that states all A.C. glitches will occur at precisely the moment when previously unseen record blowing heat waves sweep across your area and stall atop your house. This is a given.
Fueled by an inordinate amount of optimism, I brush it off and call the repair fellah who kindly comes three days later. When he announces the problem—some bits are broken—I smile and nod sagely. Yep, another given. When he reveals that the bits are not under warranty, my smile slips a tiny bit and I try to recall the several years of hard work those bits put into minding my comfort with very little applause. When he lastly discloses that the replacement bits are not on his truck, nor at his headquarters, but still in a factory somewhere in Sri Lanka, I sigh and say, “What’s a few days with a little sweat?”
“More like seven, ma’am.”
Okay, seven.
Sleeping is a little challenging with all that extra heat, but I mentally try to rearrange my body’s meteorological time clock and convince it that instead of 89° in my bedroom in a spectacular resurrection of summer, it’s actually January 7th and my heat is working beautifully to combat the subzero temperatures outside. My time clock remains stubbornly unconvinced—a total lack of enthusiasm in the arena of creative imagination.
A week passes by with my nightly inventive game stalling on the idea that perhaps I’m actually losing weight as I sleep. Surely with all this sweating my metabolism is racing to cool down my body from its hours of feverish temperature. But the only thing I see sliding off me in the morning is my freshly applied makeup.
After twelve days of no A.C., I finally receive the hallelujah phone call with a date for installment—four days from now. I show an extra amount of gratitude after hearing the news and refrain from slamming the phone down. Four more days. I can do this. No sweat. Well … yes, maybe some sweat, but I can do this.
The next morning I am greeted by the deflating discovery that the house is now internetless.
I immediately panic. Being teased by the gods who removed my coolant system and shoved the sun a few inches closer to the Earth is one thing—yes, it’s fun for them to see the tiny ant dance on a hot plate under a heat directing magnifying glass, but detaching her from the godhead and rendering her silenced from the mainframe?? THIS WON’T DO!
It’s the equivalent of Sandra Bullock letting go of George Clooney in Gravity. I am alone and silent and inside an overheated spacesuit.
Thank heavens I still have phone service to call the internet company. But the service is only available from my bathroom, which, because of its super cheery wall of windows and two skylights, is doubling as a fully operational sauna. I call, I chat, and am told the usual—Just turn everything off, unplug, wait, reattach and allow your modem to cycle through.
Okay, except I have to do this downstairs in the basement—where the phone has no service—and hike back up to report the lack of progress. Four times.
After ninety minutes, I am handed off to the supervisor’s supervisor who now recognizes the problem as, “Well, it says right here there’s an order to disconnect your internet.”
COME AGAIN??
Firstly, why would anyone purposefully do that unless they knew the exact time they were going to die and hoped to save the remaining family members a couple days on the billing cycle? And secondly, how long had that little notation been popping up on someone’s screen, but hadn’t been seen because … well, you know, computer solitaire?
I am told I have been escalated to the top of their priority list and that the matter will be resolved shortly.
“Define shortly,” I request.
“Lady, I’m just reading from the handbook script here. Maybe take a chill pill, eh?”
“I WOULD IF I COULD!” I shout back.
On the morning of the A.C. visit, the phone rings and I hear that my technician has the flu. Or heat stroke. Doesn’t matter. He ain’t comin’. I slog through another day of heat and disconnection to the outside world. I watch the weatherman smile apologetically and announce this is quite a remarkable weather pattern. I throw the remote control at the screen and now have no television. I go to bed wondering who I killed in anther life. Surely this is karma coming back to bite me in the ass, right?
It is too hot to sleep. I throw off the covers and toss off my clothes. It does not help. I am quite desperate and open the porch door to see about a stirring breeze. But instead of a breeze I’m greeted by a buzz. It sounds as if my room has become the test facility for a batch of angry drones.
I flip on the bedside lamp and count a small swarm of about five hornets—each just a shade smaller than my fist.
I dive beneath the heavy blankets and try to determine if I’m crying or if my eyes are now sweating. The sound above me is bitter and determined. They are worker bees who have obviously been thrown off their mission by an open door that normally wasn’t open. I look for the smallest redeeming quality in this series of fiascos and I am left with only one thought. Well at least somebody’s working.
“Hey, I don’t suppose any of you guys have a background in tech support?”
~Shelley
September Gotta Have a Gott winner
In January, Rob and I announced that his sketches will be available toward the end of the year in the form of a 2015 calendar! And our readers would get to be the judges and voters for which doodles they’d like to see selected for each month. We’ll reveal the winners one by one, and come November, If you’ve Gotta have a GOTT, you can place your order. Jump on over to see the cartoon winner for September!
Don’t forget to check out what we’re cookin’ in the Scullery and what we all talked about down in the pub. Plus, you can see more of Robin Gott‘s humor–all from the only pen carved from a human funny bone.
Related articles
- How Does a Heatwave Affect the Human Body? (http://www.scientificamerican.com)
- A History of Air Conditioning (http://www.slate.com)
- Repairman Cartoons (http://jantoo.com)
Shelley Sackier 
Oh my gosh Shelley!!! Weeks like this are straight from hell. At least it made for a good blog post!…..? 😃
When it rains it pours, right? Or maybe in this case, steams. But I wear a pretty rosey colored set of specs, so yes, as the problems pour out, the posts follow suit. It sort of puts things in nice tidy order. Laced around the edges with a bit of a giggle.
So glad you had a few spare moments on your hands to read. It’s lovely to see you here.
Cheers 🙂
I love your perspective and attitude. I do find that the more it pours, the more the writing flows…as long as you can find a minute to write it. Which I have not haha. But I’m glad I found time to read ☺ always good to read and write with you! Have a great day!
Well at least I can see you have the internet back. Hopefully at the time of my answer your A.C. is working again.
Well done on surviving the week without a prison sentence.
xxx Massive Hugs xxx
Ugh, David, to get internet I had to traipse into town or slog over to my folks’ home 75 minutes away. To get a breeze I just placed myself behind the dog’s tail as he watched an episode of Animal Planet on telie. But we survived! And I’ve got fists in place for the next challenge hurtled at me. Hugs back atcha, my Welsh Well Wisher! xoxo
What a miserable week. I’ve lived through a few heatwaves in this house (we finally added a single room AC). The worst lasted eight days, breaking all sorts of records. At the same time, our fridge broke, still under warranty but it took a month to have it replaced. Then the power went out (thanks in part to all the lucky folks that did have AC and pushed the limits on the electrical grid). I didn’t think the ceiling fans were doing much good until the power went out. Then I recognized my judgment error. In short: I completely relate and empathize.
As usual, you’ve written your tale with humor and insight. I’ll be interested to hear how the cancellation order happened in the first place. Without a shred of shame, I’ve come to think of the internet as my earthly right. How dare they take it away!!
Sending air kisses (since a hug would be far too sticky) and fingers crossed for a break in the heat. Meanwhile, my hat is off to Rob once again. Those cartoons are hilarious. It will be tough to vote this month.
I am stubbornly determined to (eventually) laugh my way through most of my miseries, Alys, and in reading the many comical capers you’ve gone through, it seems you are very much like-minded. Perhaps it’s the gentle nourishing side of you that continues to coax growth and life out of all you handle–you exude a Mother Nature/Mother Knows Best type of temperament. And when one is in a situation where everything that can go wrong does go wrong, one must look around and size up who are the folks you’d like to be stuck in a row boat with.
I’m handing you an oar. 😛
Many thanks for the compliments to Rob. I’m so glad you’re voting!
Shelley, you are so gracious.Thank you.
Perspective is everything and time the great healer. Age certainly helps, too. I take so many more things in stride in my fifties then I ever did in my twenties. Parenting a couple of boys is humbling, as well.
I will happily share that row boat with you when the time comes.Life’s challenges are less daunting with support by your side.
A thousand ‘Amens’ I throw your way. 😛
Brilliant, brilliant, and even more brilliant for Rob’s pics.
I shouldn’t laugh really having full sympathy, but sometimes when you write it all down, you come to realise where comedy writers get their ideas from.
I thought of several such sketches when Hubby was tinkering with the boat engine, and just praying that none of it happened. It’s funny on TV, but not in reality! Keep smiling!! 🙂
Thank you for such lovely words and gracious comments! And yes, I agree, I think many of those terrific comedy sketches are pretty much real life with the color turned up a tiny bit. It’s really just perspective, isn’t it? Who was it that said: the definition of a tragedy is I get a splinter in my finger; the definition of a comedy is you get eaten by a lion. (?) Perspective. 😀
And I’m so glad you loved Rob’s pictures this week. Now there’s a fellow with unparalleled and priceless perspective.
Totally brilliant Shelley! Huge fun to read (but obviously total hell to experience, I’m adding hastily) here we can only dream of air-conditioning but the walls are thick stone so in the heat of summer or freaky autumn for that matter, we remain cool inside. We have the reverse problem of no heating, so winter time is rather challenging as we fight for best spot near the woodburner and I frantically knit yet another sweater or two, which can be quite tricky when your arms are immobilised by the layers of coats you’re already wearing. Still I think I’d rather be too cold than too warm, at least the brain keeps functioning! Hope all is now well chez vous and that relative normalilty is restored 🙂
PS Rob’s cartoons just get better and better ! 😀
Well, let’s be honest, Jane. Once relative normality comes to take a seat in my living room, I’ll be washed up as a writer. What is the apocryphal Chinese curse? “May you live in interesting times.” Although I may hobble through my “interesting times,’ I suppose I am (in the end) grateful for them. They do bring a few stories to dine on.
And now, of course, you’ve got me hankering woolly knits and belching pot bellied stoves. Bring on winter!
Lastly, I’m really happy to hear that you’re enjoying Rob’s work. If you feel like pressing an internet button for your favorite, there’s a little contest going on. 😉
I shall revisit straight away and press appropriate buttons 🙂
Merci beaucoup!
Oh you poor sweet baby! I feel for you. Air con only ever stops working when you most need it. Otherwise you wouldn’t know it wasn’t working.
Rob’s illustrations are HOT –if you don’t mind me saying… But maybe you do 😁 Cool bananas baby! xx
*snif* Thanks, Ardys. *snif* It was rough. But now it’s funny. Sort of. Maybe with a little more time. And therapy.
Big tubs of Ben & Jerry’s have been essential.
Holy Fahrenheit Batman what a totally miserable week you had. No AC, no computer and not one single indictment. Brava. Personally I could probably deal with an extended loss of AC easier than I can with a loss of Internet. Once again you take a hateful situation and turned it into a totally entertaining tale. A tale wrought with pathos, pain and heroism. Well a damn funny one any way. Well done. However, can you riddle me this? Do you and Rob collaborate on his artwork or does he do it solo with your prose as inspiration? How did you rid yourself of the airborne pests? Did you write this in the cool comfort of your home or did you use the free WiFi at a local tavern while sipping single malt? Lastly do Karmic butt bites leave a mark?
Benson, your comments slay me. I’m still laughing. A thousand thanks for all the honeyed high praise–what a day maker.
And answers are thus: I slug out the story and then pitch the prose across the Atlantic to land somewhere just on shore off the Swedish coastline near Malmö. Rob then attempts to make heads or tails of my tales and sends it back with a reminder to lay off the hard liquor.
Those hardworking hornets are now employed by Google as backup test pilots should their drones become distressed. And most of this was written in the unforgiving glare of fluorescent lighting and in twenty minute shifts at the local library with their free use of computers and internet. No single malts allowed. I didn’t check their policy about blends though.
And lastly, if they do, it’s a blessing I can’t see them!
Wait – for a second I thought you were talking about “tico time” in Costa Rica!… you poor, poor thing, I’m so sorry! I hope you have AC by now!…
Okay, I’ll bite. What’s tico time?
Tico time is a phrase here in Costa Rica to describe – well, the slowness of everything. Sometimes (must usually) you have to wait a WHILE for something, or come back the next day, or the next, or the next… whether at the post office, the bank, needing service at your house for something, service in a restaurant, etc. – it is EVERYWHERE here. lol We were prepared for it before we moved here (fortunately), so somehow it hasn’t been that bad for us.
AHHH!! Okay, I get it. Thanks for the clarity, Jen. And I’m imagining it must take some superhuman strength to get used to the new way time flies, or flows.
Have you by chance read any of Peter Mayle’s books? A Year in Provence? I think you’d find a million moments in the story where you’d shout at the page, “You too?”
Cheers
I haven’t, but I’ll put it on my book list – always looking for good books to read. Thanks and cheers!! 🙂
Oh the terrible irony of Mr. Tech Support telling you to take a “chill pill”! The very thought sends my blood pressure skyrocketing. Hope both indoor and outdoor temps have moderated and you’re now luxuriating in a comfortable 70 degrees.
Woke up to a balmy 39 degrees this morning, Linnet. And being (originally) from Wisconsin, this temperature–for my people–is when we finally begin to feel our lungs working for the first time in months. And it’s when we finally make the switch from tank tops to short sleeves. Bracing and beautiful!
Bonjour Shelley,
Je ressens pour toi ma dame, ces épreuves et les tribulations que Dieu fait, sur vous … et vous l’avez fait, mais clantly enveloppé. Your story was hillarious however I am very glad to hear that you did not end up writting a follow up to E.A. Poe’s “A Tell Tale Heart” with the AC chump. God forbid anyone to have visited your abode, me thinks they would have ended up under the floor boards, or perhaps pasted behind one of your walls. Good thing your not the phyco-vindictive type.
Breathe… downward dog… chillax (as my girls tell Dad).
Namaste,
Stoshu 🙂
Oh, no–I totally welcomed visitors as this was pretty much the only way to stir up a breeze within the house. I attached a giant piece of cardboard to the hound’s tail for extra measure.
Yeah, there was a lot of chillax breathing practice going on. And since the air is a degree or two cooler down at the floorboard position of any room, I practiced sucking up as much air from the downward facing dog position. And also from the lying in a hot heap on the floor position. I’d switch it up for variety. 😀
One more thought Shelley,
Glad you didn’t call in your cards for help from the Peaky Blinders. Yes, true, the “jobs” would have been fixed immediately, however the follow-up would have posed a few challenges. Politics, right?
When you live in the the nort woods, things are handled differently… wait, you do live in a similar place. You must walk a fine line there I imagine.
Oh, and if you still haven’t cooled down yet, just know we had our first snowstorm yesterday, “ah hiver”.
Stoshu 🙂
YOUR FIRST SNOWSTORM???
Rub it in, buddy. Rub it in …
I can only say I know where you’re coming from as my AC died at my house this summer. .. LUCKILY it was cool this season. We did just get it replaced, however our perfectly good heater had to be replaced also as it wasn’t compatible with the new AC. Add $2000. No worries. In about 10 years I’ll have saved that in electric bills. .. yeeeah!
It’s amazing how manufacturers “get you.” The whole non compatibility issue. That really burns (no pun intended). Happy to hear there’s a bright side to your misfortunes, though. The idea of a piece of equipment paying for itself down the road in savings is a lovely silver lining. And my fingers are crossed that you all have a bearable winter where your new heater isn’t going to be put to the ultimate test straight away. Poor thing is going to be in for quite a shock in a month or two.
HA! Love your dreadful moments, sorry, and the Rob pictures are the icing on the cake. I’d rather be hot than not have the internet….It’s amazing what we’re addicted to now, yes?
dreadful moments–that is, they make for a great story…..past tense, after you’ve gone through them. 😉
(I totally got that, Cindy! But you’re so kind to clarify.) 😛
Oh, yes–addicted to and dependent upon. Having to do my work at the library on communal computers within twenty minute spurts and waiting fifteen minutes in between each batch was a test of patience. But I think more than that, it provided a deeper realization and profound gratitude for the convenience I come to count on. It’s humbling.
My God. This was my year last year and you did it in a week! Seriously, I feel for you, I know exactly how you felt with consecutive DISASTERS and NO ONE to freaking help you! Oh, that is the most frustrating of frustrations. And the bees at the end? I would’ve had major heart attack I am sure. No crying in bed for me, I would just have perished right there. Seriously though…this is one of your best posts. The pix, again, are hilarious and perfectly bring life to new and previously-unpersonified species! Love it. (But do hope your issues are all fixed by now…)
I think maybe it’s best to get them all over with in as condensed a period of time as possible, yes? Life has been a little topsy turvy lately, but I’m very much a lemons to lemonade kind of a girl. Bring it on. I’ll find a way to spin it.
And thank you for your incredibly kind words about my writing and Rob’s sketches. Creative outlets are a must for survival. Life goes in–a couple snorts come out. NEXT!
😛
Oh dear. Our AC died in July. In Vegas. I’ll let you do the math on how hot that got to be in a send floor walk up. 😦
Hope cool and wifi have been restored for you finally!
Oh, Nancy. Poor girl. Bet it only added to your years of sweat.
And long ago, when living in Vegas, there was an old saying I remember hearing all the time. ‘People always say to me living in Vegas shouldn’t be too bad because what you’ve got is a DRY HEAT. I tell them so is my oven, but I don’t keep my head in it.’
In truth, living there always felt like I was walking around with a blow dryer turned on in front of my face.
Hot is hot.
Shelley, it would be wonderfully miraculous if those heat waves did indeed shake off the pounds, but alas! And what is it with tech support? It reminds me of when my home phone and internet were both down and the solution was to call for support. What, with no home phone and a cell phone with only a few minutes left for that month? Which were rapidly used up by running up and down those basement stairs, just like you, Shelley. Thank you for making fun times out of that experience, I enjoyed every word. 🙂
And Rob, I adore the enormous glitch popping the internet. You are truly talented.
I explain tech support next week. It ain’t pretty.
But thank you, Sue, for enjoying the goofiness of it all. And it really does rapidly become absurd, doesn’t it? But I suppose the more ludicrous the life, the more laughable moments it accumulates. And I do really want to be living a life that’s filled with boundless mirth. Plus it’s the best way to exercise those abdominal muscles, right? 😀
Thanks, and I hope you have an enormously gltchless day 🙂
Bit of a glitch in the spelling backthere. Not a whole glitch, just a-bit-of-a-glitch. Should be “glitchless”, not “gltchless”!
I kinda liked the hitch with the glitch.
This story about your visit in hell was told with such grace and humour. I’m not sure I could have pulled that off … without collateral damage. Bravo. You are one very strong and brave woman! 🙂
Thank you, Joanne, you’re so kind to say so. But in truth, I should probably make a shout out of acknowledgement to my folks, the public library, and that dwindling shelf of hard liquor. A total snap. 😛
As we say around here, “If it ain’t one thing, it’s 50!” Glad everything is back up and running again, although now it seems like you’d need the heat more than the A/C! I don’t know if you were affected by it, but a couple of years ago, a derecho blew through here on a Friday night in late June. Straight-line winds gusted at speeds of 60 mph, and as a result, power was knocked out over a wide area around here. And of course, this happened in the middle of a heat wave, when daytime temperatures were reaching 100 degrees. I had no power but at least had running water. After sweltering inside the whole day, taking a freezing cold shower in the dark was an absolute treat. I made the best of it by working on the first draft of a novella by candlelight. I was one of the more fortunate, only losing power for two and a half days. Some didn’t get it back for 10 days.
I think you handled this fiasco with great poise, Shelley! And you gotta love tech support. They could learn quite a lot from worker bees!
Wow, that’s a brilliant old adage–or new one. Regardless of age, Miranda, it’s damn clever and I aim to use it.
And you have no idea how the 2012 derecho has affected my life. I remember every detail of it. One day, when you and I are booked as speakers for the same conference (one must have hope and vision!), and we’re waiting for our session to begin, I’ll go into the long and gory details. We’ll also probably need a full hip flask to get through it. It’ll happen.
In the meantime, I will be warmed with the vision of you beavering away on your novella by candlelight by choice, simply because it adds to the mood of you evoking your craft wizards.
Hornets, tech support or muses, it’d be nice if everyone just did their part by showing up.
😛
Oh, the stories you and I could share! Just the word “derecho” or the phrase “straight-line winds” is enough to strike fear into the hearts of folks around here. Haha, evoking my craft wizards! I love it.
And I thought I had reasons to go postal. My problems are a walk in the park compared to yours. I definitely need a reality check.
Hopefully now that you’ve had the famine you can move on to the feast. ❤
From your lips to God’s ears–or any deity’s for that matter. I am sooo not picky.
Cheers, Glynis!
There seems to be a Karma storm going on – yours is the second post I’ve read today about a series of unfortunate events. Thank God for a sense of humour, eh? I hope the Karmic weather improves for you soon 🙂
Yes, I do believe I have angered the gods, Annabelle. But thank heavens most of them seem to be from the cast of Monty Python–and in the end there is humor. Sweet, blessed humor to help us muddle through. 😛
a brilliant post which make me laugh and sympathize simultaneously 😛
Thank you for your kind and gracious comment, Madhusmita. And I’m nearly always surprised that we, as human beings, are capable of holding anguish and amusement in the very same space. I suppose it is the thing that saves my sanity again and again.
we, human beings, are quite amusing right? 😛
Yep, Madhusmita, I think what really helps is being able to laugh at ourselves.
Laughing at others is a lot more fun, but of course, not particularly nice.
Oh, how completely awful! I would have had the opposite affect here and froze my rear off. However you can always put on another layer, but you cannot remove your skin! You are definitely a trooper though. 🙂
I often ask myself which is more uncomfortable: to be too hot or too cold. Having grown up in Wisconsin, I am much more suited to numb fingers and toes, and the bracing, occasionally painful, intake of frigid air. To me, it’s invigorating. With the hot, I become a total slug. I can’t move. I’m a puddle.
But I love Virginia. I just know that for three months, I’ll get precious little done unless I’m living inside a bio-dome.
Thanks for sharing, Sasha. 🙂
To quote that extremely popular calypso song ‘Cause you’re hot, hot, hot’. But I am glad that you are now, ‘not, not, not.’ Hilarious bottom biting words and cartoons from the Mrs P and Mr G.
Aw, thanks, Cheergerm. I hope you know that the deft way you spin your words is directly related to the plethora of smiles reading them. You’ve got a magic touch, my friend. 😀
excellent post, Ma’am! glad I’ve come across your awesome blog… my very best, tons of inspiration and cheers! 🙂 btw, a few years ago, we visited some Scottish whiskey distilleries and ever since, we’ve had pure or/and single malt ‘stuff’… santé et à la vôtre! 🙂
A humbled bow of gratitude, Mélanie, for such a gracious comment. It’s always lovely to meet a fellow writer–AND consumer of some of the finest spirits known to mankind (not to discount France’s vast aptitude and talent too!).
Thank you for taking the time to read. So glad you enjoyed it. Slainte!
Ha! Loved it!
Well thanks, Stuart. I’m kinda crushin’ on the name of your blog. It’s a corker.
Haha very funny! Every single line is so creative 😀
I really hope my editor is reading your comment right now. I will angle every which way available to aid future contract negotiations.
Many thanks, regardless. 😛
Oh my goodness. That was hilarious, I’m afraid! I’m glad to see another determined optimist willing to convert a miserable, frustrating experience into laughs via the magic of blogging. I’m sure being Freshly Pressed must be some consolation (as long as you have Internet to become aware of the honour)! Congratulations, commiserations, and thanks for the giggle, from your newest follower.
Many thanks for the spectrum of sentiments. They are all hugely appreciated, but especially because it feels so good to be in fine company. Cheers!
Too funny! I love how you art to inspire your awesome blog! Do you do the art yourself?
My art would besmirch the word art, and therefore I leave the illustrious illustrations to the Great Robin Gott. He is masterful, quick-witted, and just a touch unhinged–which was a prerequisite for the position. 😛
Many thanks for your gracious compliments!
Sister, I’m with you on the holiness of air conditioners. I mount two of them on opposing sides of my house to surround the enemy from June to October. If even one failed, they’d find me swinging by the neck from a knotted pair of pantyhose in an 80-degree room. I don’t wear pantyhose but I’d buy some just to swing from them.
I’m glad you survived your Lawrence of Arabia-type ordeal. Here’s some pointers from a chick who digs snow.
1. Big fan in hottest room, positioned in a window pointing out. Then, open windows on the coolest side of the house. It’ll draw freshness in and push Satan out.
2. Be the star of your own wet T-shirt contest. No kidding, soak that sucker in cold water, put ‘er on, and lay down in front of a fan. You’ll be shivering in two minutes.
3. Bra and undies in freezer. You laugh, but try it. It might just get him to start eating more frozen vegetables.
4. Stalk Craigslist in October-November for small, window-mounted air conditioners. You’ll find them for about fifty bucks from graduating college kids moving out of apartments. For the price of a brand new unit, I got two little Energy Star models and some fancy window mounting hardware several years ago. Even if you have central air, it’s nice to have something like this handy in the garage, sort of like a fire extinguisher for the body in an emergency.
5. Comcast is evil. Just sayin’.
A disaster manual worthy of literary praise. I’d tattoo these precious instructions for future fiascoes right across my forehead for easy retrieval, but it’s clear I’d have to raise my hairline and rid myself of at least one eyebrow. Therefore, I shall print this out and stick it under my mattress. Where I keep the rest of my gold.
I’m off to do some Craigslist college stalking. Ooh, that did not come out right. You know what I mean.
Hahaha! Craigslist college stalking. Now I know what you do with your nights.
Hey, at least it’s chilly fall now. In my neck of the woods, that translates into Weathermen Jumping Up and Down and Getting All Excited About Dangerous Storms Approaching That Turn Out to be Nothing.
Snort.
Oh no! Poor you! Well I hope everything is working perfectly again. 🙂
Tis indeed! The air conditioning is running wonderfully well. Now that the weather had dipped to near frost levels at night.
That’s life, isn’t it?
Yep! Could totally relate to the AC story. Went through this too 2 years ago…
Ha ha ha! This was hilarious. Sorry you had an awful couple weeks, but at least your turmoil made for some good entertainment. 😉
Glad you liked the piece, Holly. Thankfully, time and perspective help spin the lens of my vision thus that I don’t end up leaping over the nearest cliff. That and hard liquor. 😛
Cheers!
It’s crazy how we all take for granted the A.C.and internet. Glad to see that your internet is back again.
Renee
It’s truly amazing to discover what it is that we are artificially tethered to in this world. I think I have to add chocolate to your list, Renee. A.C., Internet, chocolate–yep, I’m good.
Props to you for having such patience. I’d be constantly breathing down their necks until they fix my problem.
Sometimes just breathing was a challenge in and of itself. Heat makes me pool like an unsightly puddle on the floor. Internal organs begin a slow shutdown. Lungs are no exception.
But we persevered and made it through to the other side. And of course the other side is a place where we no longer need AC because winter is ‘breathing down our necks.’ Go figure.
Reblogged this on samikshachandak74 and commented:
good read
Incredibly kind of you. My many thanks–and so glad you enjoyed it.
The cartoons are just amazing! 😀
Many thanks, Maaträ. They are the fine craftsmanship of Robin Gott–Wizard of all things illustrated.
Hhhh
Made me laugh from beginning to end! After having a truly crap day so far I found myself smiling ear to ear, albeit at the expense of your misery. Thank you!
Xx
So glad to have helped, Kerri. I’d happily throw myself under the bus at the opportunity to brighten someone’s day–figuratively speaking. Humor kinda doesn’t suck as an antidepressant.
Here’s to a better one tomorrow. 😛
LOVE your satirical voice! It’s rough when everything happens at once–that is how it seems to happen to me, too! Love the cartoons! Hope you check out our blog liveclarelesleyblog.com
A million thanks for your gracious words. Robin and I thank you.
And hope no more. I shall see to it anon!
Hilarious and nicely written!
Makes my blood sing to read those words from another writer. Cheers, Abby!
Thanks for sharing, Shelly. Love it.
http://eugephemisms.wordpress.com
Incredibly kind of you to say–totally my pleasure!
I really enjoyed your post, and laugh sooo much (im sorry btw for all those mess)! I like also how u reacted back 🙂
Thanks, Chris. Super kind of you to say. 🙂
Enteresan
Teşekkür ederim! 🙂
Türkçe biliyor musunuz ?
Ben ama hayır, orada iki kez seyahat ettim. Ne yazık ki yok. (Google translate!) 😛
Where are you from ?
Bu arada türkiye nasıldı güzel miydi
Currently, the Blue Ridge mountains of Virginia.
And, I’d have been dead by day two. I don’t know how you did it.
Click on my menu tab that says “Whisky-wise.” Nuff said. 😛
Amazing how you can actually stay there I would be out and we with a friend till the air conditioning was back on along with the internet 😂
Glutton for punishment maybe? Determined to find the bright side of a bad situation? Umm… No. We should probably stick with glutton for punishment.
Yeh, it’s funny
Aw shucks, thanks. 😉
Great stuff, Mate
#GrahamBrecker
Much appreciated, Graham.
Sorry to hear! But it made for a good read ha! :p… I’ve given you a follow ! I’m new to this blogging thing but if you would like to take a look at my blog that would be fab 🙂
Love Chloe
X
Glad you made it to the end.
And with a name like Chloe (you share it with my daughter), how could I resist?
🙂 aw cute! Thank yooou xx
Reblogged this on cynix9 and commented:
Attitudes of inspiring minded individuals. The remnant of trace, how much more is so to venture without prize. Heart isn’t cumbersome.
A million thanks for your kindness.
Hi I’ve just read your post and I think it is amazing and I would cry if I had no internet x
What an incredibly kind thing to say–massive thanks!
Yes, there were tears. And a few choice words.
Reblogged this on Apps Lotus's Blog.
Super kind of you to do so! Thanks
Reblogged this on Simply Lavin.
Super kind of you, Michael. Thanks a million!
Aww man, I thought I’ve been having it bad living with two guys who suddenly decide to get gfs at the same time, leaving me to listen to them both relentlessly make “love” to there significant others as I lay in my room trying to drown out the noise by humming.
But this has made me feel better. Thank you.
Well, if my bits of misery can eradicate your sad state of affairs (or lack thereof!), then my work is done here.
You’re welcome.
Reblogged this on malibehiribae.
Well, a mighty big thanks from my side of the screen. Cheers!
Wish I had seen this earlier when my AC failed completely. Useless customer service from the people who installed it. Then I go and find it was a tripped circuit breaker in the outlet. $10 fix! Take that evil Rep!
We’ll leave my thoughts on internet providers to this – profit hoarders [coming soon to TLC/Discovery Channel].
I really enjoyed your perspective.
Hahaha! I love it–Profit Hoarders. Super clever. I feel relieved that at least one of us benefited from knowing how to circumvent customer service and do a ‘self-service’ in place of being handed a hefty bill. Good on you. Now teach me how to do that.
Thanks a million for reading – and especially for commenting. Cheers!
anything that can happen, will happen……. all at the exact same time!
great post. super funny.
Isn’t it the truth, Miranda? How is it that karma has such a wicked sense of humor. I’m thinking that in some parallel universe, karma is actually kinder and gentler, and feels really bad for folks who are getting the short end of the stick too often.
I can dream.
Or be delusional.
They’re interchangeable most times.
Reblogged this on tmgrigg.
My humble thanks–truly appreciate the gesture!
Reblogged this on shwne.
Wow, many, many thanks for the gracious gesture!
Hey, I saw where you were Freshly Pressed again! Congratulations, my friend. It’s well deserved.
Thanks, Miranda. That was a banner day. I keep thinking someone at WordPress made a slight whoopsie poo, so I’m going to hang on to my heavy weight, engraved and embossed, and tissue paper-lined envelope thank you notes for a couple more days. See what happens. 😛
Reblogged this on Corson's blog and commented:
Great post, really funny.
I bow down in thanks, Corson. I certainly appreciate the kind gesture and gracious comments!
LOVE IT!! every single line is so creative
And what a kind and gracious comment. Thanks for taking the time to read. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Cheers!
Great post. Love the illustrations. Thanks.
My many thanks for the compliment on the words, and the same on behalf of Rob. So happy you took the time to read. Cheers!
Goodness. Things things do always happen when they’re least welcome, don’t they? As someone else who seems to have their unfair share of everything going wrong at once scenarios you have my utmost sympathy, and applause for wringing humour out of something that was probably making you want to punch walls instead.
Rob’s buckets of sweat as you trek between basement and bathroom cartoon spoke volumes. Funny, but I was wincing. :S
Humor is my life boat, and thank goodness it’s always docked nearby when I need to take a ride and move back a few oar strokes from any situation. It’s the perspective of a little distance and time that colors most of my experiences in a way that allows a happy heart and a good night’s rest. Otherwise, yes. I’d be going postal on a daily basis.
Thank a million, Laura, for all your lovely comments and compliments!
Crap days make great stories. 🙂
Yeah, I lucked out with the fortune cookie that read: May you live in interesting times.
One interesting time after another …
Thanks for reading, Rob. Cheers!
Funny…cause I’ve been there! I can only strive to write as great as you!
Well, firstly, a huge thank you for the gracious comment. It means a great deal to me to hear that you enjoy the writing. And secondly, I’m pretty sure striving is the only way to get anywhere. You just improve with practice, and persistence, and maybe following the unsound advice of seeking out moments of lunacy.
hahah!i love the sketches in between!! ❤ your blog!
Huge thanks for the lovely compliments!
❤
Reblogged this on mayaryasser4.
Super kind of you! I really appreciate it. 🙂
I laughed so hard, I almost fell off the floor! We’ve all been there!
What a daymaker of a comment!
And good heavens, I’d give my left lung not to visit that place again. I think once is enough for all folks to have to live through, don’t you think?
Thanks so much for reading, and especially for commenting. Cheers!
Your blog inspiring….
😀 What a day maker of a comment. I love it. And thank you!
Is*
Very!